Since the day we were born our brains have been trying to figure out how this world works and where we fit in it. Even if we weren’t aware of what we were doing, we were constantly observing, listening, and pondering.
Out of those awarenesses we developed a set of beliefs that became the rules we lived by. If the beliefs were positive like “I am valued”, “Good things always come my way” and “People like being around me” we could approach life with confidence and optimism. But, if some of our experiences were negative, our resulting beliefs were likely to be more pessimistic and self-limiting.
Bruce’s early life experiences convinced him of two things: “life just happens to me” and “I’ll always get the short end of every deal.” He came to believe that he was, and always would be, the victim in every situation. Over time this thought became so deep-rooted and automatic that he no longer even questioned it.
I’ll never forget the day we decided to have a frozen pizza for lunch. Bruce grabbed one out of the freezer and prepared to put it in the oven while I made a salad. When I looked up he was standing in the middle of the kitchen looking rather dejected, with the pizza pan in his hand. “Look what they did. All the pepperoni is on one side. Somebody isn’t going to get any.”
Without even thinking, I picked up a piece of pepperoni and said “well then, move it.” He looked at me in absolute shock. Such a simple solution, but yet it had never even entered his mind. His belief system insisted, among other things, that he was powerless and had to put up with whatever came his way. It made life feel ugly and unfair.
Pornography became a great anesthetic to help him numb these and the other bad feelings brought about by his beliefs. It was a “safe place” where he could feel that he had at least a little bit of control. Long after he had left the turmoil of his childhood home, his long-held beliefs still held control over his emotions . . . and ultimately his behaviors. It is our beliefs that actually create our emotions and those emotions then drive our behaviors.
As he became aware of the victim thinking and other inaccurate thoughts that he had adopted as a child, he was able to ask God to replace them with His truth. As his beliefs were changed deep in his heart, as only God can do, he began to feel less unpleasant feelings and less desire for the numbing properties of the addiction.
As he was released from his childish beliefs, he was finally able to find more mature ways to deal with the problems of life. He quit feeling powerless and subsequently began to enjoy increasing freedom from his addictive behaviors.
“Brothers and sisters, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults.” 1 Corinthians 14:20.
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