Addiction is unique in that it is all about choices and yet it takes our choices away. This is the part of addiction that is most difficult for others to understand. They don’t get why an addict doesn’t just stop their bad behaviors.
Initially the person does make the choice to get lost in pornography or a drink or some other compulsive behavior, but over time those behaviors becomes less and less an act of the will and more of an automatic response that actually bypasses the cognitive brain.
It’s not that they don’t still realize that what they’re doing is wrong, it just becomes nearly impossible to go against the auto-pilot that has been established. Bruce talks about his internal frustration in our recently published book, Now Choose Life!—One Man’s Journey Out of the Grip of Pornography.
“Each new behavior left me feeling more guilty the one before. I knew these things were wrong. They went against my Christian beliefs and my own moral code, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I worried constantly that the phone sex companies would compromise my credit card information, or that someone would see me going into a massage parlor, or that my wife would find out about the money I was spending or the things I was doing. Going to church became increasingly uncomfortable as my ‘other life’ became more and more difficult to conceal. I felt like I no longer had control. Even when the activities no longer worked for me I couldn’t seem to stop.” — Bruce Wheeler
There comes a point, however, when the consequences of the behaviors become so overwhelming that the self-reliance and pride that has kept the addict in the downward spiral is crushed and they realize there is only one real choice that is left —to reach out for help.
“Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.” —Proverbs 11:14 (The Message)
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