Why Do Addicts Lie?

Lying is a universal issue in all addictions. Addicts lie because, as strange as it may seem, they have grown to rely on the addiction to cope with life. When they stumbled upon this “answer” that distracts, calms and normalizes, they stopped seeking or learning other healthier ways to cope with the normal stresses and situations of life. Feeling that they know no other way to deal with fear, rejection, anxiety, boredom, or other de-stabilizers, their addictive behaviors take on a life and death importance. As much as the addict may hate being controlled by the addiction, deep down they are afraid that they won’t be able to survive without it. They are lying to protect the only way they know how to handle life.

• They lie because they feel ashamed or embarrassed.
• They lie to cover-up their involvement in sinful behaviors.
• They lie to avoid confrontations that they have no tools to handle.
• They lie to escape criticism, blame, or feared rejection.
• They lie to avoid having to make changes that terrorize them.
• They lie because they have learned from past experience that they can get away with it with very minimal consequences.

Many addicts can be extremely honest in other areas of their lives, but will consistently default to lying whenever they feel the need to protect their addiction or avoid anticipated rejection.

Having to admit the depth of their struggle; fully accepting the blame for letting it continue; and acknowledging the intensity of the pain they have caused their loved ones, would be almost more than the addict could bear. To avoid it altogether, lying—even to themselves—becomes second nature.

The lies are likely to lessen as the addict finds healing, but because they have become an automatic habit, it may take quite a length of time for them to stop altogether. Little by little they will learn, however, that contrary to what they have believed, the truth actually brings  freedom.

Based on an excerpt  from our new book for spouses: “When Sex Causes Heartbreak” by Janet K . Wheeler ©2013