In pursuing sobriety of any kind, one of the most ominous tasks we face is learning how to do life with healthier insights, choices and behaviors. In early recovery, as we are still trying to understand what those are, it is not unusual to unintentionally cross over “the line” and end up repeating the same old patterns of thought and action that have caused us problems before. We usually need some help in establishing new parameters for living.
Many years ago, Patrick Carnes, PH.D., a pioneer in sexual addiction recovery, developed a set of guidelines to help those struggling to establish and maintain healthy sexual behaviors. These same “rules” are applicable to many other types of addictions, compulsions and unwanted habits, as well.
Dr. Carnes said, “To help you gain a sober perspective on your sexual [or other problematic] behavior, use the SAFE formula.
Don’t go ahead with a behavior if:
S . . . . It is SECRET (you feel shame about disclosing it)
A . . . . It is ABUSIVE to yourself or others (someone is being exploited)
F . . . . It is something you know you would FEEL bad about afterwards
E . . . . It is EMPTY of intimacy or meaningful relationship.”
Although the SAFE Formula does not, in itself, provide healing or recovery, it does provide us with some helpful guidance in exploring healthier choices.
“To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.” — Proverbs 21:3
Leave A Response