In yesterday’s What’s Up With Me? blog post we challenged you to begin looking for any past wounds that may be fueling your struggle with sexual addiction. If you didn‘t get a chance to read that post, you might want to take a quick look at it. It‘ll provide a helpful background for today’s discussion.
So . . . did you do it? Did you notice yourself having any under- or over-reactions? Did you blow up at someone? Did you have a hard time letting go of something that was said or done to you? Did irrational or premature worry take hold of you? Did you shut down, give up, and convince yourself your needs were “no big deal” to avoid conflict?
As we become more aware of our reactions, we may be surprised at how often they are out of scale with the actual situations. Is it possible that there ARE some shadows from the past that are coming into play? Let’s explore this a bit more.
Take another look at your list. In each case what did you DO or FEEL? Did you yell? Did you fume? Did you walk away? Did you feel your blood pressure rise, your muscles tighten, or your head or stomach begin to hurt? There must be a reason you felt or acted the way you did—a reason that made sense at the time.
Almost without exception, it is our personal beliefs that justify our response. If we believe that people always take advantage of us, it only follows that we would react strongly if it seemed to be happening yet again. In fact, if we have come to believe that we’re stupid, that authority figures can‘t be trusted, that nobody really cares about our needs, or any one of a million other things that make us feel unsafe or unacceptable, any situations that remind us of those hurtful beliefs will most likely elicit intense emotional reactions.
Our beliefs come from our perceptions about the world and our place in it. Many of these perceptions are established by the age of four and all become the rules we live by. Initially they come to us in one of two ways:
1. Most often they come from our own observations. From our youngest days we are trying to determine how the world works and where we fit. Our experiences may tell us that “we’ll never be good enough no matter how hard we try” or that “we are a burden”. Once we accept these statements as truth, they become beliefs.
2. Others are bestowed on us by other people. If we hear “you’ll never amount to anything” or “your stupid” often enough we begin to own these statements and add them to our pile of beliefs, as well.
Once we‘re able to see our over/under reactions and the beliefs that made us respond in that way, we can ask God to remind us of the earliest time in our life that we felt and/or reacted this same way. If we can catch sight of that, we have very often found one of the times and places we were wounded.
About now, you may be thinking “that little exercise provided an interesting awareness or two . . . but it hasn‘t really changed anything. What now?”
. . . .More on that tomorrow . . .
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32
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