Want Respect?

If we’re honest, we all want respect. We crave assurance that people think we’re valuable—that they admire us for our abilities, qualities and achievements.

Respect is a topic that has often been talked about, demanded, and even sung about over the years. In fact some of you might even remember Aretha Franklin’s chart-topping 1960’s classic by that name, in which she belted out such lines as “All I’m asking for is a little respect . . . R – E – S – P – E – C – T .  . . find out what it means to me . . . ”

But what if in spite of our desires and demands, we aren’t feeling very respected. How do we get it and how do we keep it? Way back in the 16oo’s a philosopher named Baltazar Gracian provided a clue when he said:

“Respect yourself if you would have others respect you.”

If this is true, we may actually hold some of the keys to gaining or re-establishing the respect of others. We need to start by asking ourselves whether we really even respect ourselves.

When we don’t feel good about ourselves, we instinctually begin to hide. We don’t want others to see our failures and weaknesses. We don’t want them to think even less of us, and we certainly don’t want them to reject us. But our shame about our lacks, and the hiding it causes, creates yet another problem. It prevents people from getting to know the real us. They don’t get the opportunity to get close enough to see the qualities and abilities that would increase their esteem for us. They can’t respect someone that they don’t even feel they really know.

The way to gain respect is by first challenging our own shame-based thoughts and asking God to systematically replace them with his truth. The more we can resolve the underlying causes of our shame and see ourselves as valuable, gifted people, the more honest and open we can be with those around us. It’s that very honesty and openness that allows people to truly connect with the essence of who we really are and provides fertile ground for the growth of trust and respect.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” — Psalm 139:14