We’ve all heard some variation of the quote that suggests we need to “walk a mile in another person’s shoes.” It has been quoted (and misquoted) so many times, it’s impossible to even determine what the original quote was, or where it came from. Some insist it is an old Cherokee saying, some credit it to Jack Handey, an American humorist, and many, many others simply call it an “American adage.” No one seems to know for sure who said it first.
Interestingly enough, it seems that they also aren’t sure of the exact content of the original saying. It’s often quoted “You never truly know someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, but other variations implore us to walk in someone’s shoes before we judge them or even criticize them. I guess the details don’t really matter so much though—as long as we get the gist! The quote speaks of the importance of having empathy and compassion when dealing with others. But, what does that have to do with sexual addiction? How can you walk a mile in a sex addict’s shoes? Are we suggesting that someone “try on” sexual addiction so they can relate? Of course, not. That would be absurd. Although our own personal experience is an excellent way to gain empathy for someone else’s plight, it is not the only way.
Intentionally seeking to learn about and gain a basic understanding of a situation or problem and the dynamics behind it can go a long way in creating a compassion for both the struggler and their spouse. The serendipitous thing about this quest for knowledge is that the more we understand what someone is going through, the less likely we will be to judge or criticize them and the more we will be able to reach out and offer support.
Sexual addiction is a growing problem in our Christian community—but still no one wants to talk about it. We don’t WANT to know how prevalent it really is. We don’t WANT to know that our close friend, family member, or elder of our church is battling this addiction. We question the struggler’s love for God and their spouse. We think they lack discipline. We may suspect that they’re not trying hard enough or that they just don’t have enough faith to “get the victory.” But what do we REALLY know about sexual addiction? Do we even know enough to be helpful?
If we truly believe in the importance of a Christian community that extends grace and love to our struggling brothers and sisters—that seeks out and helps restore the lost or injured sheep—we need to first care enough about them to learn just a little bit more about addiction in general, and this addiction in specific.
Are there unanswered questions in your mind about sex addicts or sexual addiction? Leave them in our comments section, below, and we’ll try to address them in a future blog post.
“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.”—Philippians 2:1-2
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