In a way, we are all double-minded and God, himself, created us that way. He didn’t do it to confuse us or tempt us, but because he loved us so much he wanted us to survive.
We all know about the cognitive “thinking” part of our brain where our morals, values and reasoning skills are located, but there is also another important part with a totally different function. The limbic system, located deep within the base of our brain, was created specifically to keep us safe and alive.
When we sense danger, either physical or emotional, our limbic system takes over. It overrides our cognitive brain and automatically urges us to do whatever our experience has taught us is necessary to keep us safe. If the impending danger is of a physical nature, this automatic response could be something like blinking as something comes toward our eyes, or jerking our hand back when we get near something hot. If the danger is more emotionally-based, like rejection, anger, or ridicule (or other similar feelings) we respond with fight, flight or freeze reactions. Those who have learned that sexual behaviors will help distract them from real or perceived danger, may experience intense cravings to run to those activities to avoid the threats at hand.
When our emotional wounds and the beliefs they created are healed, we will no longer perceive many of these things as dangerous. This will effectively eliminate the need for the limbic “solutions.” Until that happens, we can learn techniques that will pull us out of the reactionary limbic brain and return us to the cognitive brain where we can make choices based on our morals and values. Our senses (seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting) are the key to returning to the cognitive brain. When we focus intently on the things around us, it takes away from our cravings and the fears or bad feelings that triggered them. Here are a few things you might try:
1. Step outside. If it’s warm, feel the sun shining on your face. If it’s raining, concentrate on how the water feels as it falls on you and runs down. If it’s cold, feel the frosty breeze or watch your breath as you exhale slowly.
2. Exercise. Ride a bike. Lift weights. Do jumping jacks. Feel your body move and your muscles flex.
3. Concentrate on your breathing. Take a deep cleansing breath. Let it out slowly. Repeat several times.
4. Keep a rubber band on your wrist and pluck it and feel the sting when you need to get out of the cravings and back to the here and now.
5. Take a walk through your neighborhood. Pay attention to the houses and count them as you pass them. Depending on the season, shuffle through fallen leaves and listen to the sound or smell the fresh cut grass. Notice the sights and sounds of your neighborhood.
6. Stand in front of a mirror and make yourself smile. Watch your reflection as your expression changes. How does it make you feel?
7. Slowly wash your hands or take a warm shower or hot bath. Feel the water touching your body. Pay attention to the smell of the soap or shampoo.
8. Hold and pet your dog, cat or other animal. Feel their fur, listen to the sounds they make. Speak the animal’s name out loud.
9. Eat something. Pay attention to how it tastes and whether it is warm or cold; sweet or sour. If it is creamy, let it melt in your mouth. If it is crisp, listen to the crunch as you chew.
10. Listen to familiar music. Dance or sing along with it.
11. Call a friend and ask them to talk with you about something you have recently done together.
12. Stomp your feet, clap your hands or rub your palms together. Listen to the sounds. Feel the sensations.
13. If you are sitting, stand. If you are standing, sit. Cross your legs or arms. Feel the sensations of you controlling your body.
14. Sit quietly and concentrate on what is going on around you. Hear the clock ticking. Feel the warmth of the fire. Notice any other smells or sounds. Pay attention to what others in the house are doing at this moment.
Keep experimenting with the various activities until you find the ones that work for you.
“Submit yourselves then to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded . . . Humble yourself before the Lord. and he will lift you up.”—James 4:7-8, 10 (NIV)
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