Unraveling the Confusion

     Addiction seems full of contradictions. One of the most puzzling centers around the idea of choice. Do we still have the power to choose when we’re struggling with compulsive behaviors? The very definition of compulsion seems devoid of choice. The Merriman-Webster dictionary defines a compulsion as an IRRESISTABLE, PERSISTENT impulse to perform an act. If we’re unable to resist an impulse and the impulse never lets up, how can anyone say we have a choice?
      In the last blog post, “Living SAFE”, however, we talked about making right choices—about not going ahead with behaviors that fit a certain criteria. But . . . if we COULD consistently choose to avoid unhealthy behaviors, we wouldn’t have an addictive problem, would we? So round and round we go.
     As illogical as it seems, both are true—sexual addiction IS a compulsion, BUT we DO still have choices. Admittedly, those choices are decidedly more limited than the choices we once had, but they do still exist.
      Before we were addicted we chose to accept beliefs and experiment with behaviors that had the potential to create and fuel an addiction. At that pointwe could have chosen to reach out to God or others to help us find healthier ways to deal with our uncomfortable emotions, intense boredom, or unresolved issues. Although we DID have choices, we either weren’t aware of them or else we decided that it was easier or safer to just stay on the path that we were on. Over time, with repetition, the addiction eventually got the upper hand. We lost our power to “just say no” and, instead, became a slave to managing the ups and downs of our lives with the addiction. After that, no matter how many times we said we wouldn’t, we kept returning to those behaviors, over and over and over. 
       There was one choice that still remained on the table—but it was a scary one that few of us were willing to entertain. It would require changing many of our most basic beliefs about life and ourselves. It would mean reaching out, risking and surrendering. It was too ominous to even consider.
      It was only when the consequences of our addiction became worse then our fear of making those changes that we were finally ready to make the choice for recovery. As we continue on in the recovery process, more and more choices once again become available to us. We can begin to enjoy the fruits of our increasingly better, more courageous choices, knowing full well, that our most important choice of all is to continue in recovery. Any other choice will, once again, strip us of our ability to choose and return us to the oppressive slavery of the addiction.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”  —Galatians 5:1-3 (NIV)