One of our main survival responses is anger. Anger makes us feel powerful and in control but, unfortunately, it’s only an illusion. In reality, anger is what is called a secondary emotion. It covers up what we are really feeling.
More often than not, if we dig deep down into our soul we will find that the primary emotion we are experiencing is actually something like anxiety, disappointment, shame, embarrassment, fear, frustration, guilt, hurt, jealousy, sadness or worry. These kind of emotions rarely feel powerful, in fact they usually seem quite the opposite.
The idea of having to admit that we are feeling afraid or sad or anxious feels extremely vulnerable. We fear that we could be ridiculed or rejected if anyone knew what we were really feeling. So, we hide what we perceive as a weakness behind a curtain of anger. It not only makes us feel strong, but it also intimidates those who might intentionally or unintentionally cause us harm or hurt.
The problem is, if we don’t address the real emotion and its source, it will never get resolved—we will never really be done with it. Trying to simply manage the “cover-up emotion” (anger) is a little like putting a band-aid on your finger to treat a headache. Band-aids are a viable treatment for a cut, but they don’t do anything for a headache. If we want the pain in our head to go away, we must first acknowledge what the real problem is and then administer the appropriate medication for that issue.
If we discover that the underlying feeling behind our anger is guilt, we can find resolution through confession or repentance. Reducing fear may necessitate obtaining more information, clarification or an increased awareness of God’s protective arms. If we are sad, we may need to grieve an important loss in our life. Whatever it is—as we allow God and others to minister to the real issues that we have uncovered, we not only reduce the intensity of the primary emotions that they created, but we eliminate the need for the secondary anger, as well.
Each time one of these core issues is resolved at its root level, we experience yet another significant step toward true and lasting freedom.
“Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”— John 8:32 (NIV)
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