The Fear of Pain

A few days ago, a big chunk broke off one of my teeth. I wasn’t eating anything particularly hard or chewy, so I was very surprised when I chomped down on a big piece of tooth. A quick check with my tongue confirmed that I now had a gaping hole where the piece used to reside. As luck would have it, it was on a Saturday, so the threat of a whole weekend of pain loomed ahead of me.

But, it didn’t hurt.  A little later when I went to get a glass of water, I braced for that “zing” that you sometimes get with a cracked or broken tooth, but there was none. I figured it might be one of those cases where it was only hot water that activated the pain, but I had no trouble with that either. My concern quickly shifted to the filling in my broken tooth that was now in jeopardy. If it fell out, the roots would be exposed and I  knew the pain would be unbearable. But, it stayed put.

This morning I was finally able to get in to see the dentist. He had barely started examining me when the filling fell out . . . but even that brought no pain. He thought it was odd, so he got out a little device with a probe. He said he would touch the probe to the area and then slowly, slowly turn up the voltage on the device. I was to let him know as soon as it hurt. I braced myself again for the expected shot of pain, but it never came.

For some reason the tooth is dead. Which, evidently, in this situation, is actually a good thing. The dentist was concerned that the angle of the break might necessitate something more elaborate (and expensive) than a crown. But since the tooth is dead, he’ll need to do a root canal, which will allow him to insert a pin to stabilize the future crown.

I wasted a lot of energy this weekend fearing a pain that I was sure would be debilitating. That fear ended up being much more emotionally taxing than the non-existent pain. Many times it’s like that in recovery as well.

Often we’re afraid to dig too deep into our past. We’re afraid of what we’re going to uncover and the pain that it will bring us. We stay stuck and miserable, because it seems safer than the unknown agony that could be out there.

It’s been my experience that, just like with my tooth, the fear of what might be has far exceeded the pain that I’ve actually experienced. More often than not, as I revisited the wounds of my past I have found sadness, frustration, shame, and other more vulnerable emotions that, with the help of God and others have been more gently resolved.

Fear is a deceptive wall that keeps us from realizing the freedom that resolution brings. We think it’s keeping the pain at bay, when in truth, it, in itself, is causing us far greater pain and destruction.

Go boldly into recovery. Explore the events and circumstances that have shaped your life and beliefs. Resolve those stubborn old issues. You’re likely to find, like I did, that even if there is a twinge of pain from time to time, it’s mild in comparison to what we feared and the peace that comes from actually dealing with the hidden things, is far sweeter than we could have ever imagined.

“So do not fear, I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” — Isaiah 41:10