“Recovery is learning to trust again”
If learning to trust and build meaningful relationships is so essential to becoming a truly healthy person, why do we find it so difficult? Why do we go to such great lengths to avoid the close relationships that, deep down, we actually yearn for? (see Filling the Empty Places). Why don’t we just jump in and take a chance?
It all boils down to one thing—FEAR!
Developing intimate relationships is a risky business that elicits many fears:
• The fear of letting people see who we really are
• The fear of being judged
• The fear of being hurt or disappointed
• The fear of losing our freedom if we let someone into our life
• The fear of having to become a receiver as well as a giver
• The fear that showing love and affection makes us weak or unacceptable
It’s so much easier and feels safer to just tell ourselves we don’t need anyone. We attempt to build relationships with things and activities, hoping that they will meet our needs. But they don’t.We try to convince ourselves that we are satisfied, but deep down we know we really aren’t. But, we’re doing OK, aren’t we? We’re surviving. Why would we rock the boat? Why would we want to take all the risks that are necessary to really connect deeply with others?
The truth is, if we learn to get close to other people—to know them and let them know us—we gain way more than we give:
- we fulfill God’s plan
- we lose those intense feelings of alienation and loneliness. We finally “fit” somewhere
- we have people with whom we can share the joys and trials of life
- we have cheerleaders and supporters
- we learn to trust ourselves and others
- we have new meaning and purpose in our lives
- with the encouragement of people who care about us, we gain the courage to take new risks in other areas of our lives
- we grow in our ability to feel, recognize and share our feelings
- we find joy in being valued by others
- we are introduced to new thoughts, beliefs, and actions
- we see God reflected to us through his people
- as we learn to trust those around us, we find it easier to trust God
A dozen great benefits await us, but yet the fear remains. How would we even start to find people that are different than all those who have hurt us before? How would we find someone that’s worth all the risk? We’ll take a deeper look at that in the next post.
In the meantime, take a look at your situation.
What fears are keeping YOU from pursuing deeper relationships?
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”—Isaiah 41:10
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