None who have always been free can understand the terrible fascinating power of the hope of freedom to those who are not free. — Pearl S. Buck
My husband struggled with sexual addiction for many years. The recovery process was long and difficult and slow. There were many times he thought about giving up but, with the help of God and others, he persevered. Was it worth it?
I think his words, from the last chapter of our book Now Choose Life! answer that question well . . .
“I am experiencing things now, that I never dreamed I would or could have when I was still active in my addiction:
• I am physically healthier than I’ve been in years. I’m not sick nearly as often as I was when I was acting out and in early recovery.
• I am not depressed anymore. I was able to go off the anti-depressants I had taken for years and I’m still OK. I struggle with the regular ups and downs of life, but I’m not stuck in that deep hole I lived in so long.
• I am able to feel more connected to my wife and the other people around me. I don’t feel alienated and alone anymore.
• I am coming to understand that I don’t have to be a victim. I am realizing that there are things I can do and say that can change the effects of what life throws my way.
• I’m actually living life now—I’m not just existing or surviving.
• I can feel. Sometimes they’re good feelings, sometimes they’re not, but I’m grateful that I’m not trapped in that awful numbness anymore.
• I don’t sexualize women the way I used to. I see them as valuable, interesting people and not just objects.
• I can accept the fact that women have a sexuality, too—they’re not only there to accept a man’s sexuality. Sex is not just “done” to them, it can be reciprocal.
• I feel comfortable and at peace about platonic relationships between men and women. In spite of what my mother told me, it’s OK to be friends with girls.
• I feel safe around God. I don’t feel like he’s waiting to get me.
• I am at peace with the idea that I can have different emotions toward God. I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. I’m not always OK, but I’m OK with giving God my “not OK.”
• I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am not all good or all bad. I can give my whole self to God without trying to hide the bad parts.
• I no longer believe that I am uniquely sinful. God told me that I’m no worse or no better than other sinners. I know that I am forgiven.
• I have come to know God and His character better. I realize that he sees me differently than I see myself.
• I also realize that I am much more than a sex addict. I have noteworthy talents and strengths. Sex no longer consumes 98% of my waking hours, it has become one small and enjoyable part of my life.
All the time and effort I’ve put into recovery work, no matter how difficult, pales in comparison to the things I’ve gained. There is a way that leads to life and not to death. That’s the one I want to stay on.”
(excerpt from Now Choose Life! by Janet K. Wheeler ©2013)
No matter what you’re dealing with, don’t give up the fight. Freedom is much more than just relief from our struggle—it provides bountiful blessings that reach far beyond what we can even imagine!
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”—John 8:36
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