Those who have been successful in finding freedom from sexual addiction sometimes talk about “when the switch was flipped.” They describe a process in their healing that enabled them to begin looking at their addictive behaviors in a totally different way.
Most of them can’t really tell you how it happened, but they do remember being surprised when they became aware that it had happened. There was a point when they realized that they no longer viewed the addiction as a friend that was going to help them survive, but more as an enemy that was trying to rob them of the very things that were most important to them.
The normal giddy anticipation of what they were about to see or experience had been replaced with a new clarity—an ability to envision, in very real terms, the negative consequences their choices would certainly bring. They were able to mentally play it out to to the end, not to glorify the act as they once had, but to vividly recall the feelings of shame, the disappointment of their spouse, and the heavy burden that carrying new secrets would bring. Even more exciting, is the fact that they are increasingly able to say “Nah, it’s just not worth it.”
The best way to explain this mental switch is that their addictive part has received enough healing that it is actually able to begin empathizing with the person’s authentic self—the part of them that always had to play “pooper-scooper” and deal with the consequences after the addiction got its greedy way.
This emerging ability to understand and share the feelings of the “blue dog*” means that the “red dog*” no longer has total control over the individual’s behavior. There may still be slips and difficult times, but it is a sign that the addiction is beginning to loosen its hold.
At this point, paying even more attention to the things that feed the blue dog and intentionally allowing yourself to take the time to mentally follow your choices all the way to the end will exponentially help your authentic self to flourish and increasingly take back the control of your life.
“So I turned my mind to understand, to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things and to understand the stupidity of wickedness and the madness of folly.” —Ecclesiastes 7:25
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
* A NOTE ABOUT THE RED DOG/BLUE DOG REFERENCES: In our recovery groups we have an exercise we do called Red Dog/Blue Dog. The red dog represents our addiction. The blue dog is the person God intended us to be. We challenge participants to consider which dog their choices are feeding. If you decide to skip church again this week, is it likely to make the blue dog stronger, or the red dog? Which dog is going to gain the most from you keeping that secret? Which one will become weaker if you lie about how well you’re doing to those who care about you? The dog who gets fed the most is the one that is going to win.
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