Control, Anxiety and Relapse

Many of us decide early in life that we can’t count on other people. We come to the conclusion that we have to look out for ourselves. We work hard to discover ways to protect ourselves, avoid discomfort, and reward ourselves. In other words, we figure out, the best we can, ways to take control of our lives and make us feel as safe and comfortable as possible.

Unfortunately, control is just an illusion. There is very little we can actually control, but we keep trying, because it is just too scary not to. We are convinced that if we aren’t in control of every aspect of our lives, something awful will happen. We wear ourselves out, and then, when we feel like our perceived control is slipping through our fingers, we get anxious and agitated. We try harder. We cling tighter. We run faster. For a time, the anxiety gives us a boost of energy to keep going. And then . . . we crash.

The last burst of anxiety sucks any remaining drops of energy from our bodies. We have no fuel to keep us going. We feel like we might as well give up. And often we do. We may return to our addiction just to keep us going. Or, even worse, we may decide that there is no hope and give up on this world altogether.

But, there is yet another option. If we are desperate enough, we may begin to catch sight of the realization that God is the only one with real control. Our way to safety is not in holding tighter, it is in letting go. When we finally, with the help of others, learn how to surrender our self-protective efforts to God and put Him in control, we can finally begin to really live.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” — Philippians 4:6 (NIV)