Collateral Damage

Sexual addiction hurts everyone it touches—not just the addict themselves.

I once heard someone compare sexual addiction to a devastating car accident. The husband may have been the one in the driver’s seat. He may have made the choices that caused the collision, but he is seldom the only one that is injured in the crash. The others in “the car” are likely traumatized and hurting as well. Their lives have been forever changed through no fault of their own.

This illustration isn’t intended to add to the guilt and shame of the addict. In many ways they have been victimized themselves, but most often the focus is so completely on helping them get the help they need, that the wounds of the wives, children or other loved ones that were unknowingly “along for the ride,” are minimized or overlooked.

In the months since our book, Now Choose Life! One Man’s Journey Out of the Grip of Pornography was published, we’ve received quite a number of comments from women who have read the book and found it helpful to them as well. Some picked it up because they wanted more understanding of sexual addiction so they could help support friends or family; others were looking for some grain of hope that there might be an end to the nightmare that they’re living; and still others were searching for healing for the “collateral damage” that they, themselves, received as a result of their spouse’s addiction.

This is what some of them have said:

. . . I just wanted to let you know that I read your book in one day—it was compelling . . .

. . . As the wife of a sexual addict, this book really opened my eyes to the absolute grip of the compulsion that a sexual addict faces. It will help you understand more fully what is going on in the mind of the addict and help you process what has happened in your own situation . . .

. . . I would recommend this book for anyone interested in understanding the causes of sexual addiction. Bruce and Janet Wheeler have bravely and compellingly cleared away the shadows and shown a path to healing . . .

. . . I started reading and found it hard to put down . . .I applaud Bruce and Janet’s courage and perseverance . . . Every church library should have a copy of this book on their shelves!

. . . Insightful, heartbreaking and hopeful!. . .

. . . This book brought me to tears as I was finally able to realize the truth and let go of the feelings of inadequacy and shame that I have carried all these years because of my past marriage to a sex addict. . .

A deeper understanding of the problem is often the first step to freedom for both the addict and the spouse. We have, as transparently as we could, chronicled my husband’s escalation and recovery from addiction in this book. It is our prayer that his story will provide the keys to unlocking the doors to God’s healing and freedom in your family as well.

Read more about it here!