In today’s society, the word “intimacy” is often considered to be just another word for the sex act. Although God certainly intended sex to be intimate, true intimacy is so much more than just the coming together of two bodies.
The dictionary uses a string of words like “familiarity,” “closeness,” “understanding,” “affection.” “detailed knowledge,” and “close relationship” to try to describe the concept more fully, but none of them really tells the whole story. In the very simplest of terms, intimacy is “knowing and being known.” It is allowing someone to see the “real” you; to know your thoughts and fears; to see your imperfections, as well as your strengths, as they reciprocally allow you to see everything about them. We crave to be connected in this way . . . but yet it is also our biggest fear.
God created each one of us with an innate need for intimacy, not only withHim, but also withHis people. Even Jesus, himself, needed this close companionship with others. In Matthew 26, it tells how Jesus, just prior to being arrested, took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee with him when he went to pray. When he began to feel sorrowful and troubled, he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Jesus didn’t want to be alone.
In fact, it is the absence of TRUE intimacy in our lives that causes much of our deepest pain. People we should have been able to trust betrayed us. Others that claimed to love us mistreated us or didn’t take the time to really understand us. Many of our deepest emotional needs didn’t even get seen, let alone met. It left us feeling alone and empty.
My husband remembers so vividly growing up feeling he had little value. His parents were so busy with their own issues that they didn’t realize that their quiet little boy had needs. Just like most children, Bruce didn’t realize that the problem was with them. He was convinced that the lack of attention he received was because he was somehow unacceptable or unworthy. Eventually he just gave up looking to other people (or even God) to provide what he needed. It hurt so much to hope that someone would see and care and then be disappointed time and time again. It was easier and less devastating to just find ways to comfort himself. He completely lost his ability to trust and receive what he needed from God and others. He discovered that addiction was a way to temporarily numb the awareness of the emptiness it left within him.
Jesus came to earth, died, and rose again to reconcile us not only to God, but also to each other. One of the key challenges in recovery is learning to trust again and regain our ability to receive God’s blessings through intimate relationships.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.“—Matthew 22:37-39
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