No matter whether it‘s physical or emotional, pain is actually a good thing.It is a sign that something is wrong—that there is something that needs to be dealt with. But pain is no fun. We just want it to go away. Instead of addressing the underlying cause, we oftentry toignore it, or medicate it so it doesn’t bother us anymore. Even if we’re successful in managing our discomfort, it doesn’t change the fact that our leg is broken, or that our appendix is inflamed. Not paying attention to the REAL issue can actually cause more problems.
Just like medication for a physical wound, compulsive behaviors, like drinking, drugging, getting lost in pornography or masturbating, can become ways to manage the pain of unresolved emotional wounds. We may not necessarily FEEL wounded. In fact, that’s the whole point. We’ve found a way to distance ourselves from our feelings. No pain. No problem. Right?
We wish it were that simple. In fact, we often hear people say “why dig up old stuff if it’s not bothering me anymore?” But, the truth is, it IS still bothering you if it’s fueling unwanted or unhealthy behaviors.
So, how in the world do we start to figure out what those problematic wounds are? There’s a saying that “an overreaction is an old reaction.” We’ve all observed someone having a reaction that seems way “over the top” for the situation at hand. And, we’ve all done it ourselves.
When you find yourself having a reaction that doesn’t quite seem “in–sync” with the gravity of the situation at hand, it‘s a good indicator that the encounter has knocked the scab off an old wound. Your reaction is not only to the current event, but also to some similar past event or events that were never resolved.
In the days and weeks to come, try to take note of your over-reactions and under-reactions (under-reactions are those times when your brain tells you that something important just happened that “normal people” would have feelings about, and yet you feel little or nothing).
Keep a paper and pencil with you. Every time, throughout the day, that you think you might be over-reacting or under-reacting, jot down a few notes about what happened that caused that reaction. If you can, describe what you were feeling at the time and how strong that feelingwas (a simple 1-10 scale will work, 10 being the strongest).
Tomorrow we’ll look at how to use this information to help you begin to zero in on some of your unresolved wounds.
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