The Truth About Untruths

Why the lies?  

   Today the U.S. is celebrating President’s day, a time we especially honor our first president, George Washington. In addition to being our first elected leader, he is known for being one of the Founding Fathers of our country, a great General, and a man of integrity and honesty. A story persists that when Washington was just a young boy, someone chopped the bark off his father’s prized cherry tree which ultimately killed it. When Mr. Washington confronted George about the incident,his son reportedly said “Father, I cannot tell a lie. I did it with my little hatchet.” 

   Today it is believed that this endearing little encounter never actually happened. It is more commonly held that Washington’s biographer, Mason Weems created the myth to illustrate George’s commitment to honesty when he wrote “The Life of Washington” shortly after the president’s death. (Evidently Weems, himself, wasn’t as committed to the truth as George was purported to be.)

   It’s now been more than 213 years since Washington’s December 1799 death, so it doesn’t much matter who, or even IF, it was said. But the story does serve to bring to mind the whole subject of honesty and lies. 

  Lying is extremely prevalent in addiction. In fact, lying is as closely tied to addiction as honesty is to recovery. There’s even an old joke floating around out there: “How do you know if an addict is lying?” “Their lips are moving.”

   But, it’s not so funny when you’re living with the lies. The lying can often be more difficult for family and friends to deal with than the addiction itself. They just can’t understand why someone would continually lie to them, especially when telling the truth would, at times, be easier and definitely have less negative consequences.

     The truth is, that in any active addiction, lies serve a very important role. They PROTECT the addiction. The addict is usually not even fully aware how prevalent their lying has become. The survival part of their brain is convinced that they will not be able to survive without their coping mechanisms, so lying becomes the automatic response any time it feels like their compulsive behaviors are in danger of being exposed or thwarted. Deep inside, the addict is so intensely fearful of losing or having their way of coping compromised that lying seems almost justified and, at the very worst, a small price to pay to “stay safe”. 

     It is often said that to succeed in recovery you must have HOW (Honesty, Openness, and Willingness). Although it is true, if your wounds are very deep, you may not be able to simply “switch over” to being honest. When your subconscious fears are great and the lying so automatic, it is rare that you will be able to change without the help of others. You need to surround yourself with people that are in recovery that can call you on your untruths andinconsistencies. It‘s the only way you can start recognizing and breaking the power of the lies. 
  
    Many people find that the only way they can get to honesty, is to come in through the “back door” with WOH, instead (Willingness first, THEN Openness and Honesty). Right now, you may only be able to cry out to God to help you be willing to take the risk of letting others into your inner circle. With persistence, this baby step, will lead to increasing openness and eventually the desire and ability to exchange the lies for honesty.

“My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, remember this: whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.” James 5:19-20