Letting God
Thinking it’s God’s desire, we struggle to forget or excuse the incident, butwe often find we just can’t seem to get passed it. Old resentments well up inside us every time we think of it, whether the original offense was intentional or not. The big question is how can we FINALLY leave it behind for once and for all?
God’s answer for this difficult challenge is FORGIVENESS.
Even though, we’re probably all familiar with the word, few of us fully understand the hows and whys of applying it to our situation.
The word “Forgiveness” is derived from two Greek words: Charisma (gift) and Aphesis (letting go or turning lose). It‘s literally giving someone the gift of us letting go of the resentments and anger that were created by their hurtful words or actions. It is an unusual gift in that it blesses both the offender AND ourselves. If we insist on hanging on to the resentments that accompanied our wounding, it is much like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. In actuality, WE are the ones that receive the greater harm.
Before we can ever put forgiveness into action we need to clearly understand what it is . . . and what it isn’t. In the simplest terms it is letting go of our need to be “right” or punish the person who has hurt us. It is a decision not to waste future energy on this matter. We first transfer the responsiblity of making them “get what they’ve done” to God and then get out of His way so He can work in both their lives and ours.It‘s a choice that sets us free and allows us to experience relief, release and peace and lets our hurts finally begin to heal.
This is a cognitive CHOICE, not a feeling. It isn’t forgetting, excusing, condoning or pretending it didn’t hurt. It‘s saying it DID happen, it hurt me and it WASN’T OK, but I am deciding to turn this over to God to handle in whatever way HE sees fit.
To forgive you need to:
1. Get in touch with what really happened. Count the cost.
2. Let yourself feel the emotions that are attached to the event.
3. Name the sin against you.
4. Transfer the weight of it to Christ.
5. Release forgiveness by choice.
Forgiveness is complete when the one that has been hurt cancels the debt that is owed to them. There is no need for participation from the wounder. It is a transaction between us and God. Forgiveness is NOT the same as reconciliation.Reconciliation can only happen when the wounder understands what they have done, apologizes from the heart, asks for forgiveness for the damage they caused and takes steps to make sure that it never happens again.
In the next blog we’ll explore how to resolve issues the come from OUR own sins.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” — Matthew 6:14
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