Hang on, or Let go?

We’ve probably all heard about the importance of perseverance in recovery. We’ve been told we need to hang on and never give up. If we slip or fall, we need to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and keep trying.

My husband’s recovery from sexual addiction required many, many of those “do-overs.” He, like so many, failed more often than he succeeded in early recovery. He yearned for freedom, and yet it kept slipping through his fingers. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t seem to hold on to it for any length of time. There were periods when he was able to enjoy a few breaths of fresh air, but  much to his anguish, it was seldom long before he returned to his old behaviors.

One day, in his frustration, he was praying—no, make that pleading—to God for help and relief. Imagine his surprise when he very clearly heard God tell him, “Bruce, you have great perseverance. The problem is you are persevering in the wrong direction.”

What? Did he really hear that right? He sat in shocked disbelief as the truth of that statement began to seep in.

It doesn’t matter how stubborn we are, if we’re holding on to the wrong things. If we continue to insist on doing things—even recovery—in our own way, under our own power, without any discomfort or risk, we will never find the freedom we are seeking.

In the months that followed, God went on to show him that the secret to finally persevering in the right direction was to be found in surrendering. The challenging definition of surrender is “to yield to the power, possession or control of another.” It certainly isn’t easy and it isn’t a one time event. Giving up control is hard AND scary, but, that’s exactly what’s required to find true freedom.

As I wote in an earlier blog post: “It’s difficult to wrap our heads around the idea that freedom can only be found by giving ourselves up to God’s control. Our logical minds try to tell us that it’s just the opposite—that as we gain more and more control over our lives we will find ever greater freedom. But tightening our control is never the answer.

Addictions are created, in part, as a way to trick ourselves into believing that we have control over the painful thoughts, feelings, and fears that haunt us. To turn away from the addiction, we have to stop relying solely on those old ways of managing our lives and let God teach us new and more effective methods.
What about you? Are you persevering in the wrong direction? Who or what are YOU hanging on to today?

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” —Hebrews 10:36