Brokenness and wounds manifest themselves in many ways in our lives . . . anger, bitterness, self-pity, blame, low self-esteem, an inability to get close to people, feeling the need to be perfect, as well as excesses and addictions of all kinds.
Often we have been led to believe that these “flaws” are just the way we were made. We think that they’re simply our personal thorns in the flesh— handicaps we’re doomed to carry around with us for the rest of our lives. These thoughts leave us with a sense of resignation and hopelessness.
If we could roll back time, however, we would realize that we weren’t always like this. When we were first born, we were open and free and transparent. We were able to ask for what we needed, give love with no strings attached, and trust without reservation. We were whole, healthy and completely OK just being ourselves.
Then, as disappointments, trauma, or misunderstandings came into our lives, we made the decision, consciously or unconsciously, that it wasn’t safe to be that vulnerable. Once we realized that it had left us open to getting hurt, we began walling off and protecting parts of ourselves. Somewhere inside us, we believed that if we could just hide our vulnerable areas and the parts we deemed unacceptable, we would somehow be able to keep ourselves from ever getting hurt again.
It’s possible that, in your own life, you experienced a single traumatic event that was so intense, and at such a young age, that you totally closed off and denied a part of yourself—like your feelings, your needs, or your gender identity. Or, there may have been a series of events that slowly changed you bit by bit. No matter how it played out for you, the end result was still the same. To survive and feel safe, you, like everyone else, had to find a way to escape the pain that life dealt you.
Scared and ashamed that we ever allowed ourselves to be so vulnerable, we learned to hide our wounds and the keys to freedom and healing that they held, deep within ourselves. We often isolated ourselves from people, or even developed a fear of them. Sometimes we succumbed to co-dependent or addictive behaviors. Most of the time we weren’t even aware of what we were doing to ourselves. Our initial issues quickly became so compounded by our hurt and hiding that it became impossible to even name the original source of our wounds.
All the protections we put into place eventually began to get in the way of living a satisfying life. We ended up driven and alone. We yearned to know the freedom that others seem to be enjoying, but we were afraid or unsure of how to get there.
The idea of having to change is scary enough in itself, but when the pain of staying where we are becomes greater than the pain we believe will come from changing, we often begin to gingerly search for the reasons for our behavior and beliefs. The answers seldom appear instantaneously, but most often become known through a series of awarenesses from God. Each new awareness brings us a bit closer to being able to name the true source of our pain.
When we ask God to reveal the key to restoring our true selves—the us that could trust and love and express our needs freely—he speaks to us in a variety of ways including:
- Other people’s struggles and victories
- His Word and other books, songs and teachings
- Our own thoughts and experiences
- The support and encouragement of safe people
Eventually, if we are persistent, this process will lead us to the key to our healing. When we can finally name the source of our original pain, we are well on our way.
It is important to realize that these awarenesses are not the end of our journey. Cognitive understanding, behavior modification or willpower are never effective solutions for the long haul. It’s only when we bring the wounds we have uncovered to Jesus and ask Him to cleanse them with His living water that we can become free of the infection that has been festering within us and keeping us from enjoying the freedom that God desires for each one of us.
“Lord my God; I called to you for help and you healed me.” —Psalm 30:1-3
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