You may have heard people say “once an addict, always an addict.” They believe that, although someone may be able to learn techniques to manage an addiction most of the time, it will always be there waiting for an opportunity to gain control once again. They haven’t yet discovered these four steps that lead to lasting freedom:
1. ACCEPT THAT YOU’VE BEEN WOUNDED – Before we can ever begin to find and bring our wounds to God, we have to first acknowledge that we have them. We ALL have them. There’s just no way to get through life without being hurt, disappointed, misjudged or misunderstood. We made bad choices. We suffered losses. We were treated unfairly. Whether it was intentional or “by accident” doesn’t really matter, it still left a mark.
2.UNDERSTAND THAT THOSE HURTS STILL AFFECT YOU TODAY – It’s actually the pain from those long-ago wounds that fuel our unwanted behaviors. If the wounds are properly attended to, the need for the behaviors go away.
3. REALIZE THAT THOSE WOUNDS WON’T JUST GO AWAY BY THEMSELVES– Nothing goes away until it is resolved. In spite of the oft-repeated saying, time alone does NOT heal our wounds. Much of my husband’s pain and brokenness was created when he was very young—only 3 or 4 years old—and yet he was still being controlled by it in his early 40’s.
4. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO TRUE FREEDOM – We often tell ourselves that if we’re just strong enough, smart enough, disciplined enough or spiritual enough, we can beat this thing without revisiting the pain associated with our hurts. But we’re fooling ourselves.
We can occasionally have some success strong-arming ourselves into stopping a behavior even when our core issues aren’t resolved, but it will leave us miserable. Deep inside we know that our heart hasn’t really changed and, whether we’re aware of it or not, we will have to find something else to soothe our hidden pain. We have to medicate it in some way as long as it’s still there. We may stop using porn and masturbating, but we will end up drinking, drugging, gambling, over-eating, over-working or something equally destructive. Whatever we choose will ultimately destroy us—emotionally, spiritually, socially and even physically.
I’ve heard it said that “Switching addictions is like changing seats on the Titanic.” Even those with first class seating are still going down. The surroundings may be a little nicer, but the final outcome is still the same.
The ONLY way to find true and lasting freedom is to identify our long hidden wounds and bring them to God so he can heal them and change our hearts .
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” —John 8:36
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