Recovery is seldom quick or easy. It is created bit by bit through an accumulation of small successes . . . and, often, a few failures.
Even the most committed recovering addict may find themselves slipping back into old patters and behaviors from time to time, as they are experimenting with new ways to cope with old triggers. Those “slips” can make or break a person’s recovery effort. They are like a fork in the road—there are two different ways to proceed.
One choice is to be honest, open and prayerful about our mis-steps. Even though failures are discouraging and often carry harmful consequences, carefully studying them can provide us with new insights that have the potential to catapult our recovery forward.
Our other choice is to allow guilt to settle over us. If we begin to focus on our mistakes instead of what we can learn from them, the enemy seizes the opportunity to taunt us with lies. “See I told you, you’re no good.” “You can’t beat this.” “You’ll always fail.” If we choose to listen, it will push us back into the valley of the shadow of death and away from life. It puts us in a very real danger of becoming stuck once again.
Recovery requires us to look beyond ourselves for help and support. It’s much like the story of Peter walking on the water. As long as his eyes were focused on Jesus, he was completely able to keep moving forward with little regard to the unfamiliar territory he was in. But when his eyes were diverted to the situation instead of Jesus, he quickly began to sink. (Mathew 14: 25-33).
And so will we. If we allow guilt to take our focus off God and the others who can help us we will become overwhelmed with the momentary valley we are in. We will lose our momentum and begin to sink back into our old habits and beliefs.
At one point Bruce was particularly frustrated by the fact that he didn’t seem able to “maintain” recovery. He would do well for a while and then slip back into old patterns. He kept fighting his way out of the muck, but eventually he would always find himself there again. He was so discouraged by what he saw as the ups and downs on a graph that he finally asked God how he could even put up with him. God’s answer surprised him. He felt God telling him, “I see it differently, I don’t see any ups and downs. I only see your face, looking straight ahead, as you move ever closer to me.”
Don’t let guilt divert you from your goal. Lock eyes with God and keep moving toward him.
“Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilt conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. — Hebrews 10:21-23
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