It is not unusual for those attempting to move toward freedom from addiction or unwanted behaviors to have “using” dreams. In these dreams a person either returns to their old behaviors or, at best, finds themselves struggling frantically to resist temptation. This type of nightmare can be very unsettling. Many people fear that it is are some sort of sinister spiritual attack or an indication that, deep down, they’re not really committed to the change they’re trying to make. In actuality, the opposite is more often true.
By accessing our subconscious, dreams assist us in examining many of the feelings and experiences that we may find difficult to think or talk about when we’re awake. Dreams help us put words to feelings we have previously been unable to fully acknowledge or explain.
Even without the benefit of formal dream therapy, our dreams can help us define and solve current problems, revisit unresolved issues from the past and explore future possibilities.
There are many theories circulating about the meaning behind various elements in a person’s dreams, however we have found that it is much more helpful to focus on the emotions in the dream rather than on the content. The feelings we experience in dreams often hold the key to understanding what our subconscious brain is trying to figure out.
When we are contemplating or working toward making a change in our life, our brain starts desperately trying to sort out and understand what’s going on. At first it can’t figure out why we’re not doing our usual behaviors anymore. In the case of addiction, it can’t reconcile the fact that we’re having triggers and not acting on them. It’s not our normal pattern.
Because of this, we may find that our dreams during this time often focus on “completing” the acting out that is no longer being done in real life. The dreams will generally morph as we continue in our recovery attempts, but there is often a long period where a significant percentage of our dreams set up some sort of unexpected temptation followed by a failure to resist it. Eventually, as our recovery efforts are internalized, there will usually come a time when we will begin to make wiser choices and even be able to walk away from the temptations in the dreams.
Other dream themes may also be significant. Some may actually provide clues to the triggers that fueled our behaviors in the first place. These might include feeling like a victim, being rejected or overlooked, feeling particularly stressed and overwhelmed, or experiencing out-of-control chaos.
Take heart that it is normal for the frequency and vividness of these troubling dreams to decrease as we becomes more and more comfortable in our recovery efforts.
Based on an excerpt from our new book for spouses: “When Sex Causes Heartbreak” by Janet K . Wheeler ©2013
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