Shame is a common human reaction when we feel we have failed to meet society’s expectations or our own personal standards of behavior and achievement.
Your current situation may have set off a torrent of internal talk that includes some of these common false beliefs:
- “It’s all my fault”
- “If anyone knew about this, they wouldn’t like me”
- “I’m trapped. There’s nothing I can do to change the situation.”
- “I’m less than or different than other people. I don’t fit in.
- “I’m stupid (or naive) for not seeing this sooner.”
- “I always get the short end of the stick”
If we accept these lies as true, they will inevitably take control of our entire self image. We will become convinced that we are bad or flawed, and that those faults are a permanent condition. The resulting shame leads to an overwhelming sense of powerlessness that destroys both our confidence and self-worth. We begin to believe that our life is ruined and that we are unlovable. Ironically, we usually react to these beliefs with blaming, anger and other limbic responses that do push people away and leave us isolated and alone.
The real secret to reducing shame is honesty with yourself and others, vulnerability, risking, and finding and nurturing relationships with safe, non-judgmental people. In a nutshell, to live without shame we must choose authenticity. Unless we begin to talk about the fears, shame and other feelings that get in the way of us living in freedom, we will find it virtually impossible to fully accept or experience true love and joy.
Tomorrow we’ll take a look at some very practical steps that can help reverse the devastating spiral of shame’s destruction. Find it here.
“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.” — Isaiah 61:7
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