Every one of us has a personal set of beliefs that have become the “laws” that rule our lives. The majority of these beliefs were already firmly-established by the time we started school.
In fact, from our very first days on this earth, we began trying to figure out how this world works and how we fit into the whole scheme of things. Our little preschool brains were frantically putting together a list of absolutes that we hoped would guide us safely through life. Unfortunately, many of those conclusions were based on misconceptions and untruths.
Many years ago, when my husband and I first began our counseling ministry, we had the opportunity to share some information about sexual addiction with a group of other ministry leaders. In that teaching we talked about four beliefs that Dr. Patrick Carnes—an early pioneer in sexual addiction recovery— had discovered were common to nearly everyone that struggles with sexual addiction. After the session we were shocked at the number of leaders that came up and told us how much they had resonated with those same beliefs in their own lives. We realized then that these beliefs weren’t unique to sex addicts. They are the same beliefs that keep most of us from becoming all God made us to be:
1. I am basically a bad, unworthy person.—I’M FLAWED
2. If anyone really knew me they wouldn’t love me.—I’M UNACCEPTABLE
3. My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend on others.—NOBODY CARES. I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
4. ______ is my most important need.—I MUST HAVE THIS TO SURVIVE
The fourth belief depends on what we have determined will help us get through the rough times. A sex addict, of course, believes sex is their most important need. Others will fill the blank with money, power, fame, food . . . or whatever else, other than God, that they rely on to sustain them through life’s deepest struggles.
Every one of these four beliefs is contrary to God’s word. They are not truth. We, obviously, encountered situations very young in our lives that made us feel like they were true, so, in our limited range of experience we accepted them as an absolute. Through the years, and maybe even today, they’ve been holding us back.
Only God can break the hold these lies have over our hearts and lives. If we ask him, he will help us trade these broken lies for HIS truth. It is his truth that will set us free to move forward in ways we never dreamed we could do.
“Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” — John 8:32 (NIV)
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
2 Comments
carrjohn
April 30, 2015These are lies I’ve been trying to break for 20 years. I’ve been in counseling w a good christian counselor for 15. When do we get to the point that we trade the lie for the truth? I’m married to a sexaddict (I had no clue he was acting out for 10 years) and now I feel doubly betrayed by God. Why did I not find out for 10 years? Every day feels like God is punishing me.
bruceandjanet
May 4, 2015Sexual addiction hurts EVERYONE it touches—Addict, spouse and beyond. I’m so glad to hear that you have a good Christian counselor to help you heal from the wounds it has inflicted on YOU. I know from experience that those wounds go deep and healing can often be a long process—much longer than we could ever imagine. I also know that God can restore what the locusts have eaten and I pray that you will soon experience the joy of that restoration. In the meantime, I want to let you know that I’m currently working on a new blog, “The Sisterhood of the Lonely Road” designed to encourage and empower the SPOUSES of sex addicts. It’s been delayed a bit due to some technical issues, but I’m hoping to be able to launch it very soon. I’ll be announcing it on this blog when it’s ready . . . so I invite you to check it out when I do . . . maybe it will provide an additional source of truth and comfort for you as you continue on this difficult journey.
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