I Don’t Want to Be THAT Man Anymore

Are you tired of being that man? Are you tired of a life full of hiding and secrets and hurting the people you care about? Are you tired of being the guy that continually struggles and regularly fails? Do you yearn to step out of that skin and become the guy you always wished you could be?

You can, you know.

Yes, YOU CAN DO IT! I don’t care what you’ve done, how much you’ve, done or how long you’ve done it, IT’S NOT TOO LATE!


Yeah, I know. I’m a woman. How can I know what it’s like to be a man? Well, in all honesty, I can’t. I have never been, nor will I ever be, a man. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t understand what you’re up against.

I know what it’s like to feel like a failure. I know what it’s like to feel powerless against the very things that are ruining your life. I’ve had my own struggles. They may have been different . . . but in many ways the dynamics are exactly the same.

I have also walked with my husband as he struggled to get free from sexual addiction and, over the past fourteen years, I’ve worked with many, many sex addicts and their spouses. I have seen God do miraculous things in lives and marriages—even when there seemed to be little hope.


I feel genuinely sorry for those who struggle with pornography and other sexual compulsions. Even though you were the one that unwittingly made the choice to play with fire, I fully acknowledge that our sexually-saturated society doesn’t make turning your back on it an easy decision.

Everywhere you go . . . there it is . . . taunting you. I’m so sorry for all the images and headlines that continually bombard you on Facebook, YouTube, and even prime time television. Even when you’re looking for other things, they keep trying to call you back to being that man.

I’m sorry for all the women who don’t understand or don’t care that what they wear or how they act makes it even harder for you to stop being that man.

I’m sorry that our society sends mixed messages that you’re somehow not a “normal” guy if you don’t watch porn and ogle women, and then turn around and shame you and treat you like you’re a pervert if it takes over your life and won’t let go.

None of these things make it easy to stop being that man but, thankfully, you’re not limited to what’s easy. You’ve got tools at your disposal that you may not even realize you have. All you have to do is learn how to use them.


“Everyone is doing it” has never been a viable excuse—not back when we were trying to convince our parents to let us do something that our classmates were doing in grade school, and not today. Just because our society is increasingly sexually broken, doesn’t mean we have to follow their lead. We can choose to take a different path—a more pleasing path that is actually going to lead us in the direction we want to go.


There are four skills that you can develop that will help you immensely in breaking away from the societal norms that have kept you trapped. In the weeks to come, we are going to look at each one in depth. We hope you’ll join us as we explore these tools for freedom.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” — Romans 12:2 (NIV)
TODAY’S CHAT: What, in your opinion, would be one thing that would help you the most in your quest to become something more than “that man?”

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