Have you ever asked yourself that question? It was one that my husband, Bruce, wrestled with for a very long time. Sexual addiction had had a hold on his life for over a decade by the time he became a Christian. Finally feeling clean and free after so many years of secrets and shame was amazing . . . but, as we describe in this passage from our soon-to-be released book, Now Choose Life!, it didn’t last.
Everything changed that spring. On Easter Day, 1975, I gave my heart and life over to Jesus Christ. Even though my parents had sent me to Sunday School as a child, I had never been told you could have a personal relationship with Jesus. Becoming a Christian gave me a sense of belonging that I had never experienced before. I was a “new creature” like everybody said I would be. I threw away all the pornography and thought my struggles with it were all done and over. I lived in a glorious pink cloud, basking in God’s love for six months. I felt new and clean and free. Then I hit the wall. Almost overnight the pink cloud lifted and I realized that my sin was still there. I was devastated.
I was sure that someone had lied to me. As I slipped back into my old behaviors, once again, I began feeling guilty and scared all the time.
What was the matter with me? Why was this awful sin still in me? I was convinced it was only a matter of time before God got tired of my constant failures and rejected me as well. I felt like I was living a detestable double life. I would go to church and truly worship the God I loved and then come home and watch dirty movies. I hated myself for it. I was ashamed and disgusted by my cravings and behaviors. I was terrified that someone would find out. But, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t stop going back to those old behaviors time after time after time.
—an excerpt from our soon to be published book “Now Choose Life!“ © 2013
It was a very confusing period for Bruce. He had been told “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17). He had FELT like a new creature. And then it was gone. All the old feelings and behaviors came tumbling back and his feelings of guilt and shame intensified. Now he condemned himself about both his secret life AND the fact that he had somehow failed as a new creature. No one warned him that there would still be work to do. Everybody just wanted to celebrate the new creation, not talk about the sanctification process that was still ahead of him.
As Christians we ARE new creatures. We have a totally different purpose and mindset. Our primary goal is no longer to live for ourselves, but to live for Christ. We have been reconciled to God. We don’t have to rely on our own wisdom and strength, we have complete access to the God of the universe. But, the stickler is, it takes time for US to trust enough to give God complete access to every broken part in us. That’s where the process comes in.
Yes, we ARE a new creature. Hand in hand with God, we are now working to become a WHOLE creature. God is the one who keeps nudging us to take the risks, stay the course, and draw nearer to him so we can experience more ofhis incredible love and learn to trust him enough to let him in to EVERY part of our being.
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